


Fantasy

by somethin_random (wordsaremyfaith)



Category: The OC
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-08
Updated: 2004-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:05:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4607853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsaremyfaith/pseuds/somethin_random
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What goes through Seth's head after he runs away on his boat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for vague slut-shaming - more like pregnancy-shaming??? This is not a view I agree with, FYI.

Seth has been on the ocean for fifteen days, but every night he still has the same dream, where Ryan hears he’s left, falls apart and comes home to Newport, leaving Theresa to fend for herself with the baby. Stupid baby. He knows that’s an unfair thought, and it’s not like the baby chose to exist or anything, but it’s a thought he has all the same. Because otherwise, Ryan wouldn’t have left him. Well, technically Ryan didn’t leave him, he left Newport to go “do the right thing,” but it still feels like a betrayal of sorts. A betrayal because Seth wishes there was something there to betray.

So he sits on his little dingy with his stale rice cakes and peanut butter (something he knew would keep) and dreams of Ryan. Dreams of him all the time, not just while he’s sleeping. Some part of him knows he’s losing it, knows he’ll never make it to Tahiti, and even if he did, he’d have to be back in school by the time he got there. It’s the same piece of him that knows that at some point, he’ll have to turn around and go home, and when he gets there, everything will be exactly the same as when he left, except his parents will be upset and Summer will kill him and he’ll see Marissa in the hallways and not know what to say to her. Not that he ever did.

And this reality is just too bleak, too harsh, so the rest of his brain keeps insisting that Ryan will come home before he does, and will sit on Seth’s bed and cry over him. The thought of Ryan crying over him makes him feel vindicated, somehow. He knows it’ll never happen, but he can always dream. Especially since dreams are all he has left.

He wastes a disproportionate amount of time out here hating Theresa, for making Ryan leave. Another thought he knows is wrong ( _She didn’t ask him to leave. And besides, it’s not her fault she got pregnant. Especially if they were careful. It’s also not like this was something she_ wanted) but that lingers anyway. Sometimes he thinks if she could just determine that Ryan’s not the father, then he would come back, but he knows that Ryan would stay in Chino and do the right thing even if it wasn’t his. That sense of honor and responsibility is what made him fall in love with Ryan in the first place, but it’s also the reason he hates him now. No, not hates. Just will never forgive. There’s a difference. See, if Seth hates Ryan, he can’t still be in love with him. But he is. And that’s the hardest reality of all for him to deal with.

When Seth thinks about it, he realizes his life really sucks, and probably will for a long time. You know what? Maybe he will sail all the way to Tahiti after all. Maybe he just won’t ever come back.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://15minuteficlets.livejournal.com/profile)[**15minuteficlets**](http://15minuteficlets.livejournal.com/)' Word 6 (Fantasy).


End file.
